How can I do this?
I had done months, actually more like decades of preparation for this move. On some level I have been preparing for it for my entire life. As I prepared to leave the US this past summer, I remember hearing the phrase, “be prepared to feel stupid all the time.” This was in reference to living in a foreign country where the language is not your first language. When I thought about it, I could absolutely see how that may be true, but as I contemplated how I might prepare for that I really determined that I would just have to wait and address it as and when it came up. This facing things in the moment has certainly been a theme since I have moved to France. However I have also realized that these moments also present a very powerful choice, to live in my power rather than live in fear.
There have been moments in these last few months where I have found myself consumed by “what ifs”, what if this happens, what will I do? When this came up, I thought that I could apply a process that I use in my corporate work where I evaluate all of the things that could happen and determine what we would do if they did. Establish a plan B of sorts, to keep in my back pocket so then I could focus on the plan A that I really wanted. But after many days ruminating on plan B, C, D, E, and F; I would feel exhausted and drained. That entire cycle was keeping me in this state of fear, and I knew that it needed to stop. It was draining me of all my energy and getting me nowhere.
After a great conversation with my dear warrior sister Diane, she asked me if I could rephrase the question. Instead of looking for what ifs, as things come up just simply ask myself how will I handle that? Because the truth of the matter is that when anything has come up, I have had initial steps that I knew I could take and when I wasn’t sure I have a community here that I can turn to for advice and guidance which has been invaluable.
That day, I decided to be done with the “what ifs” and just know that when I am faced with something I will simply figure it out and with that decision made I knew that I had some work to get to. You see, a few weeks earlier the service light had come on in my car indicating that it was time for regular maintenance. At the time I had found the nearest dealership approximately 30 minutes away and through the brands website I could request a service appointment. This would be easy because communicating online is very simple since difficult topics are easily translated using online translation tools. I completed the questionnaire and waited for either an email or a phone call. Hoping that an email would arrive. You see when you are learning a language; phone calls are the most difficult to navigate. Without the help of body language and facial expression sometimes what you hear on the phone is entirely indiscernible to make words out of.
I waited and waited, there had been the two weeks of fall break in France where schools were closed and during those two weeks lots of things were closed as people prioritized family gatherings and vacations. I waited another week but after this conversation with Diane I had to admit that I was avoiding what really needed to be done. I needed to call. I knew what I could do, I sat down with the translator software and mapped out the conversation. My French is decent enough for me to have a basic conversation but to know the words for things like car brake fluid, I knew I needed to prepare. I also needed to guess at what they might respond with so I could review what that may sound like. With my entire conversation mapped out in both English and French up in front of me, yesterday I took my power back and made the call.
The first person I spoke to I was able to immediately communicate the make, model and year of my car and convey that I needed to make an appointment for service. Then he said something back that I could not decipher at all so in French as I often do, I have to explain that I am just learning French and could he repeat that more slowly. He then told me that he would get his colleague to help. I immediately thought that this was going to be too simple, he was getting someone who spoke English but alas when the 2nd man got on the phone, I started over with what I needed and explained that I am learning French. He did not know any English but he was kind and patient and we got further through the process. Then he asked me my name and the registration of my car. I told him in French my name but he needed me to pronounce each letter in the French pronunciation which I haven’t done in many years since I started my journey learning French. I simply didn’t have decades and decades of muscle memory to just pull out of my head quickly what the sounds were although I gave it a try. He then asked me to hold, he had another colleague who could help. When the 3rd man got on the phone, I was able to quickly bring him up to speed with where we were in the process and using the format “a like apple” but in French which means “p like pomme” we got through my name.
Moving on to my car registration number which would be the thing that would pull up the vehicles complete history for them to see, we were stuck, he couldn’t find it and then he read the letters that started out the registration back to me “g like jesus” he said, and there it was. I said “non g like George” because the letter g in French is pronounced like a j. With that he found my car, then we updated the owner information from the previous owner with my address with more spelling out and using the “like” format to convey it.
After about 30 minutes on the phone, I hung up having successfully conveyed everything I needed and having an appointment for my car to get its regular service next Monday. I had spoken French to three different people who were all patient and kind to me. I hung up feeling elated and victorious. It always amazes me the feeling of happiness and joy that I get when I can navigate the smallest of things. Something that would have taken me just a few texts in the US, I would have never spoken to anyone to make a service appointment. Yes, it would have been the height of efficiency, but I can tell you that I would never feel the way that I felt after accomplishing that phone call here. Oh the path to joy is strange sometimes.
Now imagine for a moment that literally everything that you need to do goes this way. Yes, some things are similar to how they occur in the US, but you really cannot rely on that interpretation since there is typically a French nuance to things. And while in a city like Paris you can end up defaulting back to English since many Parisiennes speak English and will revert if you start out using French but here in the countryside that is simply not an option. So, it is up to me, to step into my own power and ask myself “How will I do this?” and take it one step at a time, knowing that when I do this there has never been anything that I haven’t been able to figure out and there is this amazing feeling of joy when I do.
Today, I am going to invite you to try an exercise:
- Practice for one day asking yourself “How can I do this?” to the things that present themselves and then at the end of the day spend a few minutes with your journal noting down what you accomplished and how it made you feel.
- Secondly, choose something in your life that you have been avoiding taking care of and ask yourself “How can I do this?” and then map out the steps in your journal, write them down with a commitment of when you are going to do them and then do them when you say you will. Afterward notice and write about how this made you feel. Really make sure that you capture the essence of those feelings.
- When you get stuck avoiding something in the future, come back to your journal and re-read the results of this exercise to remind yourself of how you felt and the process that got you there.
COMING: This whole process of choosing my dream, moving to France and learning how to navigate and create this new life has inspired me and I am working on several projects that I will share in the next few months but to leave you with a few breadcrumbs. I am working on putting my own planning process into a book that I am super excited about launching! I am also really missing the connection that comes from writing and witnessing our inner wisdom together, so I am beginning the preparations to host a free Writing Wisdom class in early January followed by a paid course that will meet weekly after that. More to come on all of these things as well as my continued goldilocks journey in France.
I blog because I love the process of questioning my life, questioning my beliefs and questioning the stories that I tell myself. If you want to question yourself, then subscribing to my email list will ensure you have an opportunity to do that. I blog about once a month so you will not receive a ton of emails from me, only what I hope to be the best questions that we can ask ourselves to move our life toward our dreams each day.
In love,
Renée
Stay up-to-date on the writing journey!
From behind-the-scene stories to life lessons - you'll hear it all!
Thank you for subscribing! I've sent you an email with more - see you there.