This is the best I can do today.

I am making this statement to myself often these days. I rise each morning, make coffee, meditate, journal and then review my to do list. There are days when I feel like my very ability to show up at all depends on that to do list. It gives me a place to go, something to strive toward, it gives me something to focus on, especially on days when all else feels difficult.

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Nothing to say…

I have written three blogs in the last three days and yet I can’t seem to get any of them to the point where I feel good about posting them.

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Black Lives Matter

Today as I sit down to write this blog, I am finding difficulty in the words. I want to write about racism and how it is wrong and yet I feel wholly ill-equipped. I want to write about how we need to remember our connection to each other and just love and take care of each other but that feels insensitive and while my intentions would be in the right place, being insensitive to long standing suffering is not how I want to be.

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Choices

All of my life I have been too busy. Too busy to notice that I had a choice in my busyness. I had instead gotten on a conveyor belt of “I have to’s” and “I should do’s,” showing up at the airport each week fully packed out of a rote set of tasks that I no longer had to even think about, I just did.

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Surrounded by Angels

Let me be honest, this quarantine thing has sucked! With a husband awaiting triple cervical fusion surgery, in constant pain, being forced to quit smoking and obviously not in the happiest of moods facing a surgery imposed quarantine of sorts, the needs of client work, writing and classes there have been days that I have wanted to do way more than scream “Calgon Take Me Away” (for those old enough to remember that commercial)!

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Hard work and asking for help!

The call came Friday, my husband’s doctor’s nurse, I got excited, I thought she was calling with a surgery date, finally, we could get on the road to healing. Instead she said, “so what was his quit date?” I said, “What do you mean?” She said, his last day smoking, I said that he had smoked the day before so I guess it will be today if it has to be. She explained that in order to get his surgery authorized there needed to be 6 weeks of no smoking.

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Lessons from nails and gray hair

I think this pandemic is starting to work some kind of voodoo magic on me. First it grounded me, no more weekly flights, then it seemingly caged me, in my house, no more tidy hotel rooms and in my year dedicated to Freedom according to my vision board, that is what I call irony!

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Grandmother

My grandmother passed in 2004, from a sudden heart attack in the hospital. At the age of 80, she had actually worked that day. She was always working, my grandmother was. When I was younger, she was a bank branch manager.

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What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Would you jump out of an airplane?

Would you unclog your own drain?

Would you start a new career?

Would you learn to steer?

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