I'm Renée Jenais
I have been to hell and back with relationships both intimate and not. I have experienced loss, divorce, death and the loss of loved ones to addiction. I have experienced open relationships and closed relationships. Men and women. I have fallen in love, I have chosen to try to make a friendship into love, I have allowed a best friend to become a love choosing to believe that love would be enough. I have ignored warning flags, I have given up my needs, wants, dreams and desires in the process.
During these relationships I have known unconditional love, passion,
commitment, obligation, loyalty, bliss and adventure.
I have traveled weekly for work most of my adult life, at the beginning of the pandemic I went home to stay, for how long I wasn’t sure but a year and a half later as of this writing I have not gone back to traveling for work but instead saw my work transition to be completely remote.
What I found when I went home is that I was in a life that wasn’t meeting my needs, I was in a marriage where I felt incredibly alone and I felt trapped by a list of obligations that I had made to take care of all of the people that I loved while no one (particularly me) was taking care of me. I was exhausted, depleted and was still trying to do more for those around me. I was in love with a fantasy of a relationship that was not based in reality on the ground. I was desperate for change. I asked my then husband to go to therapy, he saw no need. I was left with no choice, if I didn’t choose me no one ever would.
You see I still had a dream for my life.
And while I contemplated staying and giving up my dreams, in the end, I knew I couldn’t live that way, if I gave up my dreams part of my very soul would have died in that decision. So I chose me and proceeded to blow up my life.
Six months later I crash landed in my own nest of an apartment with a massive view of the pacific ocean hoping that that view would help me find perspective. On that day I sat and cried. I cried for the loss of a man that I love deeply. I cried for the loss of what I had thought was a dream we would share together but most of all I cried for the loss of me.
Since that day, I have used my practices of Shamanism and Writing Wisdom.
These practices help me question everything about myself and my life in order to uncover the lessons from my journey thus far and what I can do differently in order to live the life of my dreams.
Here are a few gems I have uncovered so far...
- I started by remembering who I really am and my inherent power to get everything I want in my life.
- I had to get super clear on what my needs really are so they could assist me in stepping closer to my dreams.
- I continue to gain clarity on my wants and desires drawn from my Soul or heart’s desire. I know that these are not negotiable, they are part of my DNA. If I abandon my wants and desires, a part of me dies with them, I can never do that.
- I have had to build a practice of self-awareness. I use questioning for this, more to come on that later in my offerings here but questioning everything is a way of staying conscious about where you are going.
- I am the only person who will ensure my needs are met and that those wants and desires I can’t live without are actually considered in my path forward, no one else is going to make this as important as I need to.
- I am learning what independence and self-sufficiency have cost me, and how to show up in true partnership with others while not abandoning me.
- The incredible experience of partnership without losing myself is the best partnership one could have.
My journey continues...
And you will find it here, in my writing and in the questions that I ask you to consider for yourself. I hope that you will consider joining me on this discovery of our own inner wisdom