Let me be honest, this quarantine thing has sucked! With a husband awaiting triple cervical fusion surgery, in constant pain, being forced to quit smoking and obviously not in the happiest of moods facing a surgery imposed quarantine of sorts, the needs of client work, writing and classes there have been days that I have wanted to do way more than scream “Calgon Take Me Away” (for those old enough to remember that commercial)!
There have been days that I have just wanted to run full speed back into life as it was before we drew that proverbial Go To Jail, Go Directly to Jail & do not collect $200 for passing Go card that landed us all in the Covid Jail. But I know that old world is gone, no more Monday morning 4:30am Uber to the airport to stand in lines through security to retreat into the lounge to wait with the myriad of business travelers, followed by the morning nap on the flight and a rental car to the office. Just the mere replay of my life as it was and all of those situations that now by the light of the Covid day just seem, well, riskier than I would want them to be.
When I started working from home about 8 weeks ago now, I thought, if I get it, I will be fine, I wasn’t worried about it, I thought that I am healthy and would be fine, my system could weather the storm. As I sit here now, I am not so sure I want to take that risk, after 8 weeks of reading news stories of families wiped out, of perfectly healthy people ending up in ICU, on a ventilator and succumbing to this disease, I simply don’t like the odds and prefer to manage my risk and exposure a little bit tighter than taking on my life as it once was. I am not saying that I will never travel again, for anyone who knows me, you know that will never happen, this woman has gypsy in her, I was born with a suitcase in my hand I am pretty sure.
What I want to say is this, for as hard and dark as some of these days have been what has seen me through it has been this amazing group of Angels that have shown up in my life. Some of these angels have been present all along, some of them come in from time to time just to check in, some of them have recently come in and have just shown up and said, look I want to support you, I see this is hard, it sounds like you are having a hard time, I am here to listen. Text messages asking if I am okay, emails with jokes and things to lighten my day, Marco Polo messages of hysterical content (yes, you know who you are!) and the telephone calls, holding space for my tears, for my complaints, for my rants.
For the past five months I have been a part of this amazing group of ten women, meeting every Tuesday for two hours of pouring our hearts out onto the page, getting to know these beautiful, talented and powerhouse women has been such a gift, this past weekend we had our final wrap up retreat via zoom because well that is where life happens these days and while I know it is not the end of these friendships but just another jump off line into new phases, it was a crushing blow to realize how much I have needed them these last few months, the way they have shown up on Tuesdays in their strength, vulnerability and courage giving me something to strive for, a lighthouse in the storm, it has been hard to feel the loss of this beacon and yet I know that it is just a sign, my signal that I have to navigate this next chapter alone step into my own power once again. Thankfully this group of angels is also showing up like my wider group of angels in all kinds of little and big ways. Wednesday writing groups. Accountability partners, etc., etc.
Sometimes to get through a pandemic, you are delivered a team of Angels that together become greater than any force you could have imagined and in the process they support you through dark times and call you to become a much better version of yourself. I am grateful for each and everyone of my Angels, thank you!