A mother’s lesson in integrity
By the time I was 25 I had graduated university, gotten married and began my career in Accounting. In those first two years after university, I and my then husband had moved to New York where I worked in New York City in a public accounting firm.
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A mother’s lesson in belonging
When I was 12, I was living with my father and my three little sisters, my father had met a woman who looked exactly like my mother albeit much younger. She and her 4-year-old son had moved in with us and that was when the trouble started. It was clear from the start that she wanted me, and my sisters gone as fast as possible. It was clear from the start that she wanted me gone first.
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A mother’s lesson in resilience
When I was small, I saw my mother as bigger than life, I put her up on a pedestal. I lifted her up there because she showed up for activities at school, diving right in and raising money for the annual school fundraiser. I lifted her up there because she pushed my sisters and I, to build a big Gingerbread House for the annual school Christmas Festival. I lifted her up there because she would put her makeup on and put make up on me sometimes too.
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This is the best I can do today.
I am making this statement to myself often these days. I rise each morning, make coffee, meditate, journal and then review my to do list. There are days when I feel like my very ability to show up at all depends on that to do list. It gives me a place to go, something to strive toward, it gives me something to focus on, especially on days when all else feels difficult.
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Nothing to say…
I have written three blogs in the last three days and yet I can’t seem to get any of them to the point where I feel good about posting them.
Black Lives Matter
Today as I sit down to write this blog, I am finding difficulty in the words. I want to write about racism and how it is wrong and yet I feel wholly ill-equipped. I want to write about how we need to remember our connection to each other and just love and take care of each other but that feels insensitive and while my intentions would be in the right place, being insensitive to long standing suffering is not how I want to be.
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Choices
All of my life I have been too busy. Too busy to notice that I had a choice in my busyness. I had instead gotten on a conveyor belt of “I have to’s” and “I should do’s,” showing up at the airport each week fully packed out of a rote set of tasks that I no longer had to even think about, I just did.
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Surrounded by Angels
Let me be honest, this quarantine thing has sucked! With a husband awaiting triple cervical fusion surgery, in constant pain, being forced to quit smoking and obviously not in the happiest of moods facing a surgery imposed quarantine of sorts, the needs of client work, writing and classes there have been days that I have wanted to do way more than scream “Calgon Take Me Away” (for those old enough to remember that commercial)!
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Hard work and asking for help!
The call came Friday, my husband’s doctor’s nurse, I got excited, I thought she was calling with a surgery date, finally, we could get on the road to healing. Instead she said, “so what was his quit date?” I said, “What do you mean?” She said, his last day smoking, I said that he had smoked the day before so I guess it will be today if it has to be. She explained that in order to get his surgery authorized there needed to be 6 weeks of no smoking.
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