A few weeks ago, I was having dinner with my beautiful soul sisters / friends that I have met in San Diego since the world has re-opened. This group of women have varied backgrounds and experiences as we all do but the one thing that we all have in common is that we are all trying to live fully and completely in our own authenticity whatever that means for each of us.
This group of powerful women has become invaluable to me as I navigate this season of my life.
While at this dinner someone mentioned the overwhelm, they were feeling about dating and managing all their dating profiles. I questioned how many profiles they had, and they rattled off four or five. I was flabbergasted. All the other ladies joined in with their feelings on the topic. As I sat there and listened to this conversation from a place of observing it, the lunacy of the whole situation just sunk in.
All these women were seeking connection with another human being.
We are all desiring connection and yet we are trying to make this connection in the most disconnected way possible. This is insanity and yet most people seem to have just accepted it as the “way it is”.
As I sat down to write this blog on the topic of connection, I was reminded that I had come up with 12 Commandments of Connection shortly after I started this blog in 2020. I had wanted to use this list as a guide for showing up fully as I was teaching Writing Wisdom at the time and was noticing how much it was the connection that drew us into the practice.
The Commandments of Connection:
- Connection requires vulnerability which means getting real with you first!
- Connecting requires slowing down, listening, and giving that little voice inside of you a platform to come out!
- Connection requires getting raw and real with yourself about what that little voice is telling you!
- Connection requires you to acknowledge and receive what comes from that inner voice!
- Connection requires you to distinguish that inner voice from your higher self vs. that inner voice, the one of your inner critic or your ego!
- Connection requires you to get real with those things in your life that you don’t want to write about or don’t want to acknowledge.
- Connection requires you to shift your perspective when it feels overwhelming and too much to listen to.
- Connection requires you to show up raw, real, and authentic with others to be available to others.
- Connection requires you to speak your truth and hold your awareness of your truth while it is witnessed by others, this is me, raw, real, and messy but this is me.
- Connection requires you to show up and witness another’s raw, real & messy self with honor, dignity, respect, love & confidence.
- Connection requires you to develop a practice of continuing to show up and give that inner voice in you a place to express itself, the more you do, the more it will trust that you are listening and the more it will make itself available to you, this is the voice of your soul, the voice of your knowing or intuition.
- Connection requires you to continue to show up and witness the truth of others, to hold their truth honorably & in confidence, this kind of a space creates sisterhood, brotherhood, community & tribe, this kind of regular connection makes the world a beautiful place.
Three years ago, I wrote those and while I would likely write them differently today the overarching premise of being able to show up as your true authentic self, sovereign and solid while also witnessing another showing up in that same way is still the basis of connection.
This is why this group of women means so much to me, every time we get together, they show up raw, real, and yes, sometimes messy. They also witness me showing up in the same way. That is true connection, that is also love.
As I have thought about connection in our very disconnected world, I have also tried to shift my thinking about dating, how I show up in it and what I am willing to participate in while getting to know another.
I require authentic connection so being able to show up raw, real, and messy even in a dating situation is the only way I want to be seen. I am not perfect, I have my wounds, if someone chooses to show up in judgment of them then they are likely in fact hiding themselves behind their judgment of me. I refuse anyone’s judgment including my own.
Perhaps it is the beauty of getting older, simply not caring about what someone else thinks particularly those people who are “not in the arena” as Brene Brown would call it.
I say, come on in, get in the mess with me. Who are you anyway? What are you here looking to do in this lifetime? Don’t try to look perfect, no one is buying it because no one is perfect. Are you going to leave a mark on this life or are you going to hide away hoping no one will notice you? These are in fact the questions I am asking myself.
I hope these words and my own questions get you thinking or writing or both. Here are a few questions for you to take to your favorite journal, walk in nature or morning commute.
- Who am I? (Repeating this one over and over is a powerful practice)
- What is my purpose here?
- How can I be more of my own authentic self with each person that I meet?
- How am I trying to look perfect and avoiding the mess in the arena?
- How am I judging myself?
I blog because I love the process of posing questions, uncovering new layers of myself, uncovering those unexpected answers along the way. If you want to question yourself, then subscribing to my email list will ensure you have an opportunity to do that.
I blog about once a month so you will not receive a ton of emails from me, only what I hope to be the best questions that we can ask ourselves to be better tomorrow than we were today.
In love & connection,
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